Day 28: Lasting Impressions

We forget what the word "impression" means, because we use it every day. I'm talking about "first impressions," "lasting impressions," etc. People don't stop to think about what an impression exactly is--they just use the word. An impression: you know, like a footprint in mud. And a lasting impression is like one in cement. Brazil is leaving a footprint on me, and I'm bending and changing to accommodate it and still keep what I have. And when I leave, I will always be molded in the way Brazil molded me.

What has been running through my mind most of today is my research. I've especially been thinking about it today because Yuka told me she thought I would make a great researcher someday. She said I have a knack for it. Well, I can't say I'm opposed to the thought. Yuka said she would love it if I came back for graduate school. She said I could matriculate into at USP and maybe work more on what I'm starting right now. USP is one of the best universities in Brazil...that invitation was kind of exciting.

Okay, so these are all possibilities, and nothing more. But I feel like I'm opening so many doors in my future. I actually feel secure with what I might do in the future. And I don't have the same dreadful worry of having to teach floating around the back of my mind (no offense, music ed. majors/teachers!)...it's just not for me.

I've noticed a lot of things musically about Brazil since I've been here. The first is that there isn't much in the way of classical music. Ribeirao Preto's music department is small, and it seems like many people in the music world know each other. Brazilians in Brazil don't make recordings because it's hard to find people who record. Apparently, the technology exists but no one knows how to buy or use it. It's a big problem here. So, not only is there a lack of sheet music, if an American in the U.S. does get her hands on a piece of music, she can only discover how it is supposed to sound through intuition-- which is really hard with some music. It seems that there is even less classical tradition in Brazil than in the United States.

This place is a great place for me to grow. I'm realizing that I do most of my growing in a supportive, quiet environment. UNH has given me so much, but I'm lucky to be in a place where, to put it bluntly, I'm on the same level as my peers. I know that sounds bad, but I think I have trouble learning quickly when I'm in a competitive environment, and UNH has felt stiflingly competetive recently--at least in my opinion. Also, Brazilians don't "make plans" like Americans do. Most of the college students don't know exactly what they want to do, but are waiting to find out. That's right, just waiting until it finds them. In the U.S., we're asked what we want to be from the age of five, and at first it's a fun game, but by the time we're 18 it's a very serious question that we are pressured (through society) into answering. It's nice to be away from that.

And there certainly is a difference between being pressured and being impressed. I'm impressed, in the true sense of the word. The footprint sense. Don't get me wrong. I am still Melody; opinionated Melody. Brazil isn't stepping all over me, I'm just....softening because something is shaping me. The research I take home won't be research from an American point of view; from an American who has simply observed and read Brazilian art song. I'm singing it; I'm singing like a Brazilian sings; and I'm asking questions and understanding. I'm truly impressed by everything that goes on here, and I don't think I'll ever want to melt back to my previous state.

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